Humorland™

WELCOME THE Humorland™. A place which delineates the famous saying, “Laughter is the Best Medicine”.

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Funny Military Names:

Colonel O. Korn
Corporal Punishment
General Admission
General Anethstisia
General E. Speaking
General Incompetence
General Principles
General Store
General Weakness
Major Ashoal
Major B. O.
Major Disaster
Major Hardon
Major Lee Small
Major Payne
Major Paynin D’Arse
Major Problems
Major Snafu
Private Parts
Private Road
Rear Admiral Butts

Blond and Ice Cubes:

Q: Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?
A: Because they always forget the recipe.

Racists and Light-Bulbs:

Q: How many racists does it take to screw in a Light-bulb?
A: None – they don’t want to be enlightened!

Get it Straight:

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, “Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!”

Engineers V Doctors:

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come.
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away.
NOW on return Journey All of them don’t get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to Pune.

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI – LONAVALA) :

Doctors decided, ” this time we will prove that we too are equal “. All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket. Engineers don’t buy any ticket at all!
The TC arrives.

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE!!

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in Engineer’s Bathroom.

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined!

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets…Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time,
SO TC Comes.
All Engineers showed their tickets…

…and Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train.!!

Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are genius, but don’t mess with Engineers !!!

Actual School Excuses:

1) My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()’s were crossed out.]
12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wears.
16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17) Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

I-Phone :

Dumb Labels on Products:

Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

On a Microwave
Do not heat pets in it!

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.

Road Sign
Cemetery Road. Dead End

Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

On a Razor:
Do not use at the time of earthquakes.

Hair Dryer
Do not use in shower.

Hand-held Massaging Device
Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

Toner cartridge for a laser printer
Do not eat toner.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow
Not intended for highway use.

Toothbrush and Toilet Paper:

Logic: